[ale] [Fwd: [Fwd:Humor

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--
"We are living organisms on a tiny, mud-covered speck
  of fire that floats in an immense black vacuum."

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Subject: [Fwd: The Shot Heard "Round The World]
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Date: Tue, 24 Aug 1999 19:19:50 EDT
Subject: The Shot Heard "Round The World
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Welch makes some interesting points.  At least the millennium won't bring the 
car industry to its knees.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly
compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM
had kept up with
technology like the computer industry has, we would all be
driving
twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Mr. Gates' comments, General Motors issued
the
Following press release (by Mr. Welch himself, the GM CEO)
"If GM had
developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving
cars with the
following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice
daily.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you
would have to buy a
new car.

3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver, such as a left turn,
would cause
your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case
you would have
to reinstall the engine.

4. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you
bought "Car95"
or "CarNT".  But then you would have to buy more seats.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun,
reliable, five
times as fast and twice as easy to drive.

6. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights
would be
replaced by one "general car default" warning light.

7. New seats would force everyone to have the same size
bottom.

8. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before going
off.

9. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would
lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the
door handle,
turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

10. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a
deluxe set of
Rand McNally Road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though
they neither need
nor want them.  Attempting to delete this option would
immediately cause
the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover,
GM would become
a target for investigation by the Justice department.

11. Every time GM introduced a new model car, buyers would
have to learn
how to drive all over again because none of the controls
would operate in
the same manner as the old car.

12. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

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