[ale] FW: New Microsoft Product (fwd)

[Joshua Murrah]

Some more Microsoft humor.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Mon, 10 Nov 1997 11:29:59 -0600
 From: Rebecca Watson <rwatson at inalt.com>
To: "'employees at inalt.com'" <employees at inalt.com>
Subject: FW: New Microsoft Product

New Microsoft Product
 
Microsoft Corporation today announced its intent to purchase, copyright,
and upgrade God Himself. The new product would be named, predictably
enough, "Microsoft God," and would be available to consumers sometime in
late 1998. "Too many people feel separated from God in today's world,"
said
Dave McCavaugh, director of Microsoft's new Religions division.
"Microsoft
God will make our Lord more accessible, and will add an easy, intuitive
user interface to Him, making Him not only easier to find, but easier to
communicate with."

The new Microsoft Religions line will be expanded to include a multitude
of
add-on products to Microsoft God, including: Microsoft Crusades: This
conversion product will bring all worshipper accounts and prayer files
over
from previous versions of God, or from competing products like
Buddha or Allah.
 
Microsoft God for the World Wide Web: This product ties Microsoft God
with
Microsoft Internet Information Server, making our Lord accessible from
the
World Wide Web using a standard Web browser  interface. It introduces
several new Web echnologies, including Dynamic Salvation and Active
Prayer
Pages (APP). Donations for the poor can be transmitted via a Secure Alms
Server. 

Microsoft Prayers: Using a Windows-based WYSIWYG interface, this product
will allow worshippers to construct effective prayers in a minimum of
time.
A Secure Prayer Channel technology allows guaranteed delivery of the
prayer
to Microsoft God servers, and Prayer Wizards enable users to 
construct new types of prayers with a minimum learning curve.
 
Microsoft Savior: This product will allow worshippers to transfer their
sins to its internal Vice Database. After a preset interval, the product
will erase itself from the user's system and establish a clear line of
secure communications to the user's Microsoft God server.


--------- End forwarded message ----------