[ale] Make of this what you will. I had to clear my mail spool somehow.

[John M. Mills]

 From: shadden at mail.utexas.edu (Jim Hadden)
>------- Forwarded Message Follows -------
>Date sent:      Tue, 27 Feb 1996 08:46:24 -0500 (EST)
>From:           owner-humour-list at conductor.synapse.net
>
>As I was walking down the street the other day, I noticed a man
>working on his house. He seemed to be having a lot of trouble. As
>I came closer, I saw that he was trying to pound a nail into a
>board by a window --- with his FOREHEAD! He seemed to be in a
>great deal of pain. This made me feel very bad, watching him
>suffer so much just to fix his window pane. I thought, "Here is
>an opportunity to make someone very happy simply by showing him a
>better way to do things." Seeing him happy would make me happy
>too. So I said, "Excuse me sir, there is a better way to do that."
>
>He stopped pounding his head on the nail and with blood
>streaming down his face said, "What?"  I said, "There is a better
>way to pound that nail. You can use a hammer."
>
>He said, "What?"
>
>I said "A hammer. It's a heavy piece of metal on a stick. You
>can use it to pound the nail. It's faster and it doesn't hurt
>when you use it."
>
>"A hammer, huh?"
>
>"That's right. If you get one I can show you how to use it and
>you'll be amazed how much easier it will make your job."
>
>Somewhat bewildered he said, "I think I have seen hammers, but I
>thought they were just toys for kids."
>
>"Well, I suppose kids could play with hammers, but I think what
>you saw were brightly colored plastic hammers. They look a bit
>like real hammers, but they are much cheaper and don't really do
>anything," I explained.
>
>"Oh," he said. Then went on, "But hammers are more expensive
>than using my forehead. I don't want to spend the money for a
>hammer."
>
>Now somewhat frustrated I said, "But in the long run the hammer
>would pay for itself because you would spend more time pounding
>nails and less time treating head wounds."
>
>"Oh," he said. "But I can't do as much with a hammer as I can
>with my forehead," he said with conviction.
>
>Exasperated, I went on. "Well, I'm not quite sure what else
>you've been using your forehead for, but hammers are marvelously
>useful tools. You can pound nails, pull nails, pry apart boards.
>In fact every day people like you seem to be finding new ways to
>use hammers. And I'm sure a hammer would do all these things much
>better than your forehead."
>
>"But why should I start using a hammer? All my friends pound
>nails with their foreheads too. If there were a better way to do
>it I'm sure one of them would have told me," he countered.
>
>Now he had caught me off guard. "Perhaps they are all thinking
>the same thing," I suggested. "You could be the first one to
>discover this new way to do things," I said with enthusiasm.
>
>With a skeptical look in his bloodstained eye he said,"Look,
>some of my friends are professional carpenters. You can't tell me
>they don't know the best way to pound nails."
>
>"Well, even professionals become set in their ways and resist
>change." Then in a frustrated yell I continued, "I mean, come on!
>You can't just sit there and try to convince me that using your
>forehead to pound nails is better than using a hammer!"
>
>Now quite angry he yelled back, "Hey listen buddy, I've been
>pounding nails with my forehead for many years now. Sure, it was
>painful at first but now it's second nature to me. Besides, all
>my friends do it this way and the only people I've ever seen
>using hammers were little kids. So take your stupid little
>children's toys and get the hell off my property!"
>
>Stunned, I started to step back. I nearly tripped over a large
>box of head bandages. I noticed a very expensive price tag on the
>box and a blue company logo on the price tag. I had seen all I
>needed to see. This man had somehow been brainwashed, probably by
>the expensive bandage company, and was beyond help. Hell, let him
>bleed, I thought. People like that deserve to bleed to death. I
>walked along, happy that I owned not one but three hammers at
>home. I used them every day at school and I use them now every day
>at work and I love them. A sharp pain hit my stomach as I
>recalled the days before I used hammers, but I reconciled myself
>with the thought that tonight at the hammer users club meeting I
>could talk to all my friends about their hammers. We will make
>jokes about all the idiots we know that don't have hammers and
>discuss whether we should spend all of our money buying the fancy
>new hammers that just came out. Then when I get home, like every
>night, I will sit up and use one of my hammers until very late
>when I finally fall asleep. In the morning I will wake up ready
>to go out into the world proclaiming to all non-hammer users how
>they too could become an expert hammer user like me.
>

John M. Mills, Senior Research Engineer   --   john.m.mills at gtri.gatech.edu
   Georgia Tech Research Institute, Georgia Tech, Atlanta, GA 30332-0853
        Phone contacts: 770.528.3258 (voice), 770.528.7083 (FAX)
    "you don't exist - go away" --Linux system message I have received