[ale] OT: Sysad resignation letter.

[Brian Stanaland]

This has probably made the rounds but I hadn't seen it before.

Dear Mr. Smith,

As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very
basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have
an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during the
commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the
few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of
everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not
only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired
because I know how to network computer systems, and you were
apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees,
who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and
paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as
binary still gives you too many options. You will also never
understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it
to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as
telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality
than you ever will.

You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in
others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have
worked for your interview, but now that you actually have
responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their
talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of
managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else
eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert
principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you
getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my
resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal
for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt
me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you
over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you
would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know
every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to
get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I
conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do
believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by
the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your
Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to
take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase
them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have
never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that
those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring
of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check
please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on
my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of
your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.
Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know
what you do with all that free time!

Wishing you a grand and glorious day,

Cecelia

-- 

"Anyone who has the power 
to make you believe absurdities 
has the power to make you
commit atrocities."

-- Voltaire