[ale] OT: Letter from Santa

[Robert L. Harris]

My father has a strange sense of humor.

-----------<snip>----------

Just in case you see any stranger than normal sihts out there this year.
 
> >  
> > Dear Southern Friends,
> > 
> > I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer
> > serve the States of Alabama, Louisiana, Georgia, Florida, Virginia,
> > North and South Carolina, Kentucky, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas,
> > and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.
> > 
> > Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract
> > was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As
> > part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk
> > and cookies so keep that in mind.
> > 
> > However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with
> > your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba
> > Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my
> > goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however,
> > there are a few differences between us.
> > 
> > Differences such as:
> > 
> > 1.There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
> > Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that
> > reads:"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
> > 
> > 2.Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children
> > leave an RC Cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And
> > Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please
> > have an empty spit can handy.
> > 
> > 3.Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
> > instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
> > reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's
> > fireplace.
> > 
> > 4.You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.." when
> > Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on
> > Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."
> > 
> > 5."Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are
> > likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
> > 
> > 6.As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have
> > a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back
> > Off."
> > 
> > 7.The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"
> > and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated
> > viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas"
> > and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus
> > and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.
> > 
> > And Finally,
> > 
> > 8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you,
> > the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put
> > presents under the tree.
> > 
> > 
> > 
> 


----- End forwarded message -----



:wq!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Robert L. Harris

DISCLAIMER:
      These are MY OPINIONS ALONE.  I speak for no-one else.
FYI:
 perl -e 'print $i=pack(c5,(41*2),sqrt(7056),(unpack(c,H)-2),oct(115),10);'

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