[ale] [Fwd: HUM: A Few Computer Jokes (**1/2)]

Geoffrey Myers geof at abraxis.com
Mon Jan 5 08:09:13 EST 1998 

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Excuse the diversion...

Oracle Service Humor Mailing List wrote:

> 
> I have just received information from a generally reliable source deep
> within NASA that the latest failure of the main computer onboard MIR
> occurred when Russian cosmonauts attempted to delete Microsoft's
> Internet Explorer. Waiting for additional verification that Janet Reno
> is naming an independent counsel to investigate.
> 
>         originally posted by d hutton at capecod dot net
> 
> Is Windows a virus?
> 
> No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:
> 
> They replicate quickly Okay, Windows does that
> 
> Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they
> do so okay, Windows does that
> 
> Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk Okay, Windows does
> that, too
> 
> Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable
> programs and systems Sigh... Windows does that, too
> 
> Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow
> (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware Yup, that's with Windows, too
> 
> Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental
> differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on
> most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they
> tend to become more sophisticated as they mature
> 
> So, Windows is *not* a virus
> 
> The president of Lotus walks into an elevator with a gun in his hand.
> In the elevator are: Sadam Hussein, Timmothy McVeigh, and Bill Gates,
> but there are only two bullets in the gun!
> 
> Who does he shoot???
> 
> Gates, twice to be sure.
> 
>                                 Submitted by: avas0luk  @ hydrophilus.com
> 
>                 \\|//
>                 (o o)                ORACLE SERVICE HUMOR MAILING LIST
> ------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo-----------------------------------------------
> 
> HOW DO I SUBSCRIBE?
> It's free! Just send a message to
> oracle-humor-subscribe at lyris.oraclehumor.com
> 
> WHERE DO I SEND JOKES?                  WHERE'S THE WEBSITE?
> jokes at oraclehumor.com                   http://www.oraclehumor.com
> 
> LEGAL STUFF: Wallaby Solutions runs this piece as submitted and
> does not claim to own any copyright privileges to it.  The work was
> submitted to us as an item for the mailing list, and it was posted
> solely on the basis of its quality.  If this is an administrative
> posting, then follow any copyright guidelines noted on the posting.
> 
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
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-- 
Until later: Geoffrey		geof at abraxis.com

NT is secure.... as long as you don't remove the shrink wrap.
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Date: Sun, 4 Jan 1998 23:13:01 -0500
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 From: "Oracle Service Humor Mailing List" <oracle-humor at lyris.oraclehumor.com>
Subject: HUM: A Few Computer Jokes (**1/2)
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I have just received information from a generally reliable source deep
within NASA that the latest failure of the main computer onboard MIR
occurred when Russian cosmonauts attempted to delete Microsoft's
Internet Explorer. Waiting for additional verification that Janet Reno
is naming an independent counsel to investigate.

        originally posted by d hutton at capecod dot net



Is Windows a virus?

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

They replicate quickly Okay, Windows does that

Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they
do so okay, Windows does that

Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk Okay, Windows does
that, too

Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable
programs and systems Sigh... Windows does that, too

Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow
(see 2) and the user will buy new hardware Yup, that's with Windows, too

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental
differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on
most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they
tend to become more sophisticated as they mature

So, Windows is *not* a virus



The president of Lotus walks into an elevator with a gun in his hand.
In the elevator are: Sadam Hussein, Timmothy McVeigh, and Bill Gates,
but there are only two bullets in the gun!

Who does he shoot???

Gates, twice to be sure.


				Submitted by: avas0luk  @ hydrophilus.com



                \\|//
                (o o)                ORACLE SERVICE HUMOR MAILING LIST
------------oOOo-(_)-oOOo-----------------------------------------------

HOW DO I SUBSCRIBE?                  
It's free! Just send a message to 
oracle-humor-subscribe at lyris.oraclehumor.com

WHERE DO I SEND JOKES?                  WHERE'S THE WEBSITE?
jokes at oraclehumor.com                   http://www.oraclehumor.com

LEGAL STUFF: Wallaby Solutions runs this piece as submitted and
does not claim to own any copyright privileges to it.  The work was
submitted to us as an item for the mailing list, and it was posted
solely on the basis of its quality.  If this is an administrative 
posting, then follow any copyright guidelines noted on the posting.

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