[ale] Alice in Unix-land (fwd)

[Geoffrey Myers]

A bit of humor.

}Forwarded-by: kclark at ctron.com (Kevin D. Clark)
}
}[I don't know where this came from.
}
} Anybody want to help me write "Winston Smith in Windows-land"
} sometime? 
} 
} -kevin]
}
}
}     Alice in UNIX Land
}     
}     
}     Alice was reading the message on her monitor and beginning to suspect 
}     that everything was not as it should be.  "Program too big to fit in 
}     memory," it read.
}     
}     "Curiouser and curiouser," she said, "All I did was load fourteen TSRs 
}     before starting my word processor. With four megabytes, I wish I could 
}     use more than 640K."
}     
}     "At that moment, a small white consultant ( a very white consultant) 
}     ran across the room. "Oh my coat and necktie," he said, "I'm going to 
}     be late for my appointment. And at one fifty an hour, too." Before 
}     Alice could say anything, he leaped into her monitor and disappeared 
}     behind her operating system.
}     
}     Alice thought that she had never seen anyone leap into a monitor 
}     before; and certainly not go clean through the operating system.  But 
}     then, she had been told that DOS was very shallow. Without hesitating 
}     a moment, she leaped in after him.
}     
}     She found herself in a shiny corridor. Not knowing what else to
}     do, she began walking. Turning a corner, she found herself facing two 
}     fat little men, each with an arm round the other's neck. One had "POS" 
}     embroidered on his collar, and the "NEG".
}     
}     "I know," said Alice, "you two are a transistor."
}     
}     "Yes," said Positive.
}     
}     "Can you help me? asked Alice.
}     
}     "No," said Negative.
}     
}     "I'm looking for a white consultant." Alice pointed in the direction 
}     she had been walking. "Did he go this way?" she asked.
}     
}     "No," said Negative.
}     
}     She pointed the other way.
}     
}     "Yes," said Positive.
}     
}     Soon Alice came upon a large brown table. The Consultant was there, as 
}     was an apparently Mad Hacker, and several creatures that Alice did not 
}     recognize. In one corner sat a Dormouse fast asleep. Over the table 
}     was a large sign that read "UNIX Conference."
}     
}     Everyone except the Dormouse was holding a paper cup, from which they 
}     were sampling what appeared to be custard. "Wrong flavor," they all 
}     declared as they passed the cup the cup to the creature on their right 
}     and graciously took the one being offered on their left. Alice watched 
}     them repeat this ritual three or four times before she approached and 
}     sat down.
}     
}     Immediately, a large toad leaped into her lap and looked at her as if 
}     it wanted to be loved. "Grep," it exclaimed.
}     
}     "Don't mind him," explained the Mad Hacker. "He's just looking for 
}     some string."
}     
}     "Nroff?" asked the Frog.
}     
}     The Mad Hacker handed Alice a cup of custard-like substance and a 
}     spoon. "Here," he said, "what do you think of this?"
}     
}     "It looks lovely," said Alice, "very sweet." She tried a spoonful. 
}     "Yuck!" she cried. "It's awful. What is it?"
}     
}     "Oh just another graphic interface for UNIX," answered the Hacker.
}     
}     Alice pointed to the sleeping Dormouse. "Who's he?" she asked.
}     
}     "That's OS Too," explained the Hacker. "We've pretty much given up on 
}     waking him.
}     
}     "Just than, a large, Blue Elephant sitting next to the Dormouse stood 
}     up. "Ladies and gentlemen," he trumpeted pompously, "as the largest 
}     creature here, I feel impelled to state that we must take an Open Look 
}     at..."
}     
}     A young Job Sparrow on the other side of the table stood up angrily. 
}     The Elephant noticed and changed his speech accordingly."...what our 
}     NextStep will be.
}     
}     "Half the creatures bowed in respect while the other half
}     snickered quietly to themselves. Just then, OS Too fell over in his 
}     sleep, crashing into the Elephant and taking him down with him. No one 
}     seemed a bit surprised.
}     
}     "What we need," declared a Sun Bear as he lapped up custard with his 
}     long tongue," is a flavor that goes down like the Macintosh.
}     
}     "Suddenly, the White Consultant began jumping up and down as his face 
}     got red. "No, no, no! he screamed. "No one pays one fifty an hour to 
}     Macintosh consultants!"
}     
}     "Awk," said the Frog.
}     
}     "Users," explained the Sun Bear, "want an easy interface that they 
}     will not have to learn."
}     
}     "Users?" cried the Consultant in disbelief. "Users?! You mean 
}     secretaries, accountants, architects. Manual laborers!"
}     
}     "Well," responded the Sun Bear, "we've got to do something to make 
}     them want to switch to UNIX."
}     
}     "Do you think," said a Woodpecker who had been busy making a hole in 
}     the table, "that there might be a problem with the name
}     `UNIX?'    I mean, it does sort of suggest being less than a man."
}     
}     "Maybe we should try another name, " suggested the Job Sparrow, "like 
}     Brut, or Rambo."
}     
}     "Penix," suggested a Penguin.
}     
}     "Mount," said the Frog, "spawn."
}     
}     Alice slapped him. "Nice?" he asked.
}     
}     "But then again," suggested the Woodpecker, "what about the shrinkwrap 
}     issue?"
}     
}     Suddenly, everyone leaped up and started dashing about, waving
}     their hands in the air and screaming. Just as suddenly, they all sat 
}     down again.
}     
}     
}     "Now that that's settled," said the Woodpecker, "let's go back to 
}     tasting flavors."
}     
}     Everyone at the table sampled a new cup of custard. "Wrong
}     flavor," they all declared as they passed the cup to the creature on 
}     their right and took the one being offered on their left.
}     
}     Totally confused, Alice got up and left. After she had been walking 
}     away, she heard a familiar voice behind her.
}     
}     "Rem," is said, "edlin."
}     
}     Alice turned and saw the Frog. She smiled. "Those are queer sounding 
}     words," she said, "but at least I know what they mean."
}     
}     "Chkdsk," said the Frog.
}     
}     *********************************************************************
}
}


-- 
Until later:
Geoffrey Myers   geof at abraxis.com   Unix.Guru.Dude at worldnet.att.net

	Opinions expressed by me are mine, all mine, only mine.....